Dinner last night

I love raw green beans! I will eat them cooked, I will even eat them canned, but my favorite is raw. My mom used to steam all, but one serving of beans and give the raw ones to me.

Yesterday I bought a bunch of gorgeous beans. I munched on them while I was shopping, it was either that or a doughnut and I thought the baby would appreciate the beans. I haven't tried serving a big platter of raw beans yet, the last time I served a big bowl of raw veggies (not a salad) Brad asked me if I forgot to cook them. So I asked Brad to grill the beans. They were delicious!!!!!! I tossed them in olive oil, salt and pepper. He put them straight on the grill with the heat on medium. The smaller ones got cooked all the way through and the big ones still had a wonderful crunch. All of us loved them. The kids asked for seconds!

The rest of dinner was pretty good, but nothing new. Brad asked for beef. Hamburgers are too much work, so I got a flank steak and put a spice rub on it. (1 T black peppercorns, 1 T white peppercorns, 1.5 t coriander seed, 1.5 t fennel seed. Roasted in a dry skillet until it just smokes, then grind them up. Then add .5 t cinnamon.) Yum, except it had way too much pepper for the 2 more delicate palates in our house. And watermelon. I can't believe how good the watermelons are already! This is going to be a good, juicy summer!

Will you please put your clothes on?

I had a parenting break through recently and wanted to share it with you.

If your boss walks up to you and says something like, "Will you please run a report on this data?" You would not imagine saying, "no!" or "why?" or "I'm busy." "Will you please" is a polite command form among adults. And many of us adults use this polite command form with our children. It shows respect of them, we think. My parents have encouraged me to be more authoritative with the girls and not so "polite." The results have been wonderful!

Instead of saying, "Will you please put your clothes on?" I say, "Go, put your clothes on. Please." I am still polite and my tone of voice is respectful, but I no longer give them the option of having an opinion in the matter. Because let's face it, does you boss expect you to have an opinion when he asks you to do something?

I have stopped treating the kids like they are adults and understand the culture of the adult world. I speak to them as if they are children, and they love it! They are so much more obedient and when they are disobedient it is clear to me what the real issue is and I don't have to wonder if they understood me.

I have also quit saying, "OK?" at the end of many statements. In my mind, I was saying, "Do you understand me?" but in a more efficient way. Many adults say this to each other and we all know that we are not asking for permission, but asking if we are understood. But really, the word OK is asking for permission and when the child says, "no" they are disciplined. That must be very confusing for them. For example, "Let's pick up all of the toys before Jane comes over to play, OK?" That sounds very nice, but kids can't read the small print of our culture yet. So, I've changed that to, "I want you to pick up your toys now, before Jane comes over. Do you understand?" Really, to a kid the second way is kinder. They know what is expected of them and they are able to perform to the best of their ability and then earn your praise--which is all they want to do anyway.

Authoritative does not equal "big-fat-meanie" it just equals "mommy." The kids are happier, I am happier and there is more harmony in our home because I have changed two simple ways of speaking. Wow!

Good Friday Ponderings

I have enough in my heart to fill many posts, but I will limit it to one subject: life. Today my heart has been pondering 4 lives. Each different, each special, each have impacted me in eternal ways.

The first is Jesus Christ. Today is the day we recognize his death for all sins for all time. What an immeasurable gift grace is! I have not found english words that can describe my thankfulness and wonder at his willingness to lay himself down in my place. I often ponder the grace of God. Will I ever understand it, accept it, or be able to extend it to others? Good Friday is not the end of the story of course. Sunday is coming! He is risen!! Death's door could not hold the Lord and Author of Life. Jesus the Christ is alive and at the right hand of the Father!

The second is my mother. Today is her 5#th birthday. As my heart ponders its thankfulness for the death of my savior, my heart also ponders its thankfulness for the life of my mother. Her impact on me is profound ... and thorough! The reason I do many things a certain way is "because that is how my mom did it." Some trivial examples are: the type of paper towels, number of place settings, size and color of bath towels, and last but not least taking the black crayon out of the box so all the kids' pictures don't look depressing. (Why is it that kids love to scribble in black?) More meaningful examples are: being involved in Bible study, seeking Wisdom, and prayer. It has been a wonderful experience to leave the role of child behind and grow more and more into the role of peer.

The third & forth lives are that of our unborn children. We never officially announced our miscarriage, but on November 20th I was shocked to find out that the baby growing in my belly had no heartbeat! I had no symptoms of miscarriage, in fact I had all the symptoms of a healthy pregnancy. I was 9 weeks and 6 days along when I found out. My D&C was scheduled for the 23rd. The nights between the ultrasound and the D&C were a time for me to come before my savior and grieve. The night of the 20th was like a private memorial service. I was the only one awake and I got out my knitting. What else could I do? God had stopped knitting the child in my womb and I wanted him to continue his project so desperately! Knitting my sock, on my birthday yarn from Aunt Pat, gave me a starting point for prayer. I prayed, knit and cried long into the night. I knew sleep would be far from me until my heart felt a sense of peace. The only way I know to get peace is to genuinely thank God. So I did. I thanked him for the little baby. I thanked him for allowing me to be its mother. And I thanked him for the days he allowed that little baby to grow in my womb. Children are a blessing and just because I didn't get to meet that child it is still a blessing. The D&C was like the burial service. Just before I was wheeled in for the procedure I thanked God again and gave the baby to Him. Unbeknownst to me, my doctor ordered a test on the baby to see what caused the miscarriage. I am so thankful he did. The baby had tri-some 13. So the miscarriage was nothing I did or didn't do and it has no effect on future pregnancies. A month ago a friend told me that because they tested the chromosomes of the baby they found out its sex. It has been months since the extreme pain of those nights and I wasn't sure I wanted to awaken it by learning the baby's gender.

In February, we were allowed to conceive again! Today I went in for my 10 week appointment. There is no sound more beautiful than that of a baby's heartbeat! My heart is overwhelmed by the gift of this child ... well, all my children really. It is such a privilege to be a mother. I marvel at the goodness of God that he would grant us another child and so soon after we lost our 4th. Toward the end of my appointment I asked the doctor the gender of the miscarried baby. It is a boy!!!!! Can you believe it? I can't! We made a boy! I didn't think it was possible for us to make a boy. Of course this current pregnancy may result in another girl, but in Heaven I know there will be at least one son there for me to love. I am very thankful that I decided to ask the doctor about the gender. I feel more connected to our lost child, not in a depressing, debilitating way, but in an encouraging, awesome way. Now I have a more clear picture of my family in my head. Now I can look forward with expectation to meeting that boy! I have given him a name, but Brad and I have not discussed it and so I will not share it here until we come to an agreement. Naming a child is never a quick process for us so don't expect anything too soon. And of course now we will be more inclined to discuss boy names for the baby that will be joining us in October.

And so, of the 4 lives who have been filling my heart today ... all are loved, 1 has been seen, 1 will be seen soon, and 2 remain unseen for the present. The hope of the Gospel is that I will spend eternity loving and seeing all 4! Praise be to the Author of Life.

Sayings

The kids have great "isms." Rana being the oldest has had the most, but currently has very few because she is beginning to speak more like an adult. Adelle has the most right now. Little mispronunciations like "fwimsuit" and "dudurl." (Swimsuit and good girl). Maisie growls. It is her main word. Every animal sounds like a growl, well really it is more of a rawrrr. The sound is a cross between a bear and a tiger. Ask her what anything says, cows, squirrels, bird, horses, pigs, tigers, cats, mice and so on and she will make her growl. She can say "woof, woof" for a dog and "ah, ah ah" for a monkey, but those are her only other sounds.

Tonight Rana told us all about Easter. How it is not about the eggs or candy or money. (Money???) But about Jesus and how "he died on the cross and 3 days later was raised from the den."

Adelle turns 3 this Monday. It seems like she should be turning 4. She seems a little too mature for turning 3, but then there are days when she reminds me that she is still 2 and not always able to act mature. She has been having uncharacteristic meltdowns recently and they've been over nothing!!! Like the meltdown yesterday morning before she even got out of bed because G'ma wasn't there to wake her up.

As Adelle's meltdowns become more frequent Rana's become less. (Proof that there is a God). Rana is just now becoming aware that crying and throwing a temper tantrum is not appropriate for a girl who is about to go to kindergarten.

I never really had an appreciation for the term meltdown until I had kids. Adults use the term to describe other adults, but surely they do not mean what I get to witness every day.

It is time to watch The Two Towers. :o)

I have lots of things on my mind, so hopefully there will be more posts coming......and I might even be able to restrain myself and keep it short one of these times.

Why Reality 1.5

Hello out there!

Ever since I first read a blog post I've wanted my very own blog and now almost 6 years later here I am blogging. The main reason it has taken me so long is that trying new things scare me. (Does this surprise you?) Computers especially are frightening. I typically do not try something unless I know before hand that I will excel or at least do better than average at it. And computers are something that I KNOW I will never be better than average at, at least not relative to others living in the Silicon Valley. The secondary reason I have waited this long is because I couldn't think of a title for my blog. How do you sum up who you are or even part of who you are in one catchy phrase? Last night my desire to have a blog finally won out over my fear and I tentatively looked at Blogger. I did not get far before I was asked for the title of my blog. I went to bed. Brad was awake and I suggested many ideas, all of which were lame. Titles about being a mom, or having daughters, or knitting, or being married, or being a Christian, all of which are true, but also were too narrow. I felt pigeon holed. Then after several minutes of silence I said, "reality 1.5" and knew I had it. So here I am typing my first blog and look I even posted a picture! I will tell you about the picture in a minute. But first, the title of the blog.

I wish I could claim to be the master mind behind the phrase "reality 1.5," but that honor goes to Mr. Mark Morris. He coined the phrase for his daughter, Laura--pictured above in purple. He said she lived in reality 1.5. She has said that the same is true of me and I have adopted it as my own and have worn it in my psyche ever since. I am rather proud of being one of the few that lives in reality 1.5, I mostly see it's blessings although there are drawbacks to be sure. Reality 1.5 basically means that my experience of life is a little bit more so than the average person. For example, it is very difficult for me to give something 3 stars. So-So doesn't really exist for me. I either love something or strongly dislike it. (We don't say hate at our house anymore, but that will have to wait for another post.) Brad has learned to appreciate this point of view, he gives a lot of 3 stars. He used to think that I exaggerated my stories, and sometimes I do, but mostly I am just retelling something as I remember it. He then tells me what actually happened and it seems so dull, so flat. I prefer my version of life much better. The lows are lower, but the highs--oh the highs, they make up for all the lows.

This picture was taken while Julie Handel, Laura Saylor and I were listening to a girl sing "The Star-Spangled Banner" at a roller skate rink. It was evident by her trills and vibrato that she had been told she was a good singer and believed it. She sang with pride, not necessarily in the nation God gave to us, but for the raw talent God gave her. I have heard many people sing our nation's anthem eager to show off their vocal chops, but never before or since have I laughed. As you can see in the picture, Julie is already smiling.

Thank you Mr. Morris for coining the phrase reality 1.5. Thank you Laura for sharing it with me. And thank you Brad for standing next to me and providing moral support while I started to type this first entry. If you hadn't seen that check box about agreeing to terms I may still have been stuck in that first window. :o)