Newborns: The Honeymoon Phase

Here we are just 2 months after we got married. Some friends gave us baby clothes as a wedding present. We loved the gift and all 5 of our children have modeled this sweater. :)

Looking back on this photo I am reminded of the honeymoon phase of marriage. We experienced wedded bliss! Don't get me wrong the first few months of marriage had their challenges; learning to share a bed, finances, and schedule with another person. Not to mention the shift in roles and identity. It seemed as though everything in my life had changed - even my name! But I gladly gave up my ways as a single woman for the benefits of being a married woman. I knew before I got married that there would be some sacrifices (no more flirting with other men, no more eating whenever and whatever I wanted for dinner, no more complete control over the finances....the list goes on and on), but I knew it would be worth it. I was gaining a husband.

Becoming a mother is a lot like becoming a wife. You even get a new name! Most people know of and expect the sacrifices and adjustments required upon marriage, but they do not expect to need to sacrifice or adjust further once they have a baby. You had to learn to share your schedule with your husband and now you need to share your time with an infant. You had to learn to share your resources and now you will divide them further. You had to learn how to share your body with your husband and now you will also be sharing your body with your baby. Becoming a mother brings a lot of changes that are not always welcome. There are a lot of sacrifices that we make, but they are worth it!

Having an infant is like the honeymoon phase of a marriage. Yes, it's hard, the learning curve is steep and there are many adjustments, but all your baby asks of you is love. Unconditional love. There are many things that can step in and rob us of the joy of this phase. Post-partum depression, sleeplessness, worry, and perfectionism all keep us from experiencing this honeymoon phase.

I have always had a difficult time accepting God's unconditional love toward me. I had never felt true unconditional love toward anyone until I had children. Meeting your newborn is a holy moment. There is nothing they have done to earn your love, but you love them just because they are yours. 

Don't get me wrong - having a newborn is also one of the most challenging times in life, but don't allow the challenges rob you of the joy that is to be had!

Newborns: topics to cover

A friend of mine sent me an email with "a few" ideas. Check out her list! She's amazing! I think this class will take more than 3 hours, what about you? Thank you Michelle for all the wonderful ideas! And for fleshing them out so beautifully! At first I thought that coming up with enough topics to discuss to fill a few hours would be the challenge, but now I'm realizing that narrowing the topics down is where the true challenge lies.

Here are just a few topics I thought of: 

- diapers - cloth vs. disposable, 101 basics, different cloth brands (which one is right for my child/), how to use cloth diapers, how many do you need, how do you wash them (kushi's liners that you can flush are helpful), traveling and out of the house (do you use cloth diapers? what do you do with them etc?)

- sleep - how much sleep should your child be getting, how many naps, how long, sleep cycles, sleep routines, good sleep habits, scheduling your child so they sleep better etc. When do they sleep through the night? sleep training, self soothing (or pacifier or thumb etc).

- breast feeding - 101 basics, what happens when it's not working?, different holds, latching, pumping (why? how? when?), how do you store the milk?, how long can you store the milk, what should they be drinking (how many oz etc), diseases (thrush, mastitis, etc), diet as a nursing mom.

- solid foods - transitioning from the bottle, when to stop breastfeeding, how to introduce foods, allergies, which foods to avoid the 1st year, good snack foods, making your own baby food. 

- products - high chair, cups, plates, bottles, snack containers, diaper bags, toys, bouncers, baby carrier, pacifiers, white noise maker, strollers, car seats, and other great products you can't live without. 

- baby blues - depression, anxiety, stress, difficult days, where to find help, building a support network, what signs to look for, etc., when do you get time for yourself?, exercises. 

- crying - what to do when your infant/baby cries, recognizing if they are too tired or hungry or need to be changed, gas relief (burping, gripe water etc), rocking, swinging, soothing with a pacifier or thumb etc. 

- pediatrician - milestone appointments, when to call the doctor, when to be worried (temperature of X), medications for problems such as reflux, shots/vaccinations, growth charts (what are they all about)

- routines - bedtime, nap time, leaving the house, meals, nursing/feeding/bottles, daily routines

- baby sign language - when to start, what signs to use, basic signs, why do signs etc. 

- activity - what should my baby be doing when?, rolling, crawling, stimulation, walking, etc. engaging & teaching them

- baby proofing - when should I start, what can my child get into, what items are the most dangerous etc. 

- traveling - what to bring in the car, what to pack for a flight, what to keep with you as you travel around town etc. Go to travel items

- strollers - which one is right for you, how do you know which one, best stroller for specific uses (traveling, running, normal every day use) etc.

- life change - what having a kid does to you (mentally & physically), what it does to your spouse, what it does to your marriage, what it does to your spiritual walk, what it does to your social group/life, what it does to your other kids, what it does to your interactions with your extended family (dealing and interacting with in laws etc). 

Toddler Questions/Topics

- discipline & power struggle - tentra tantrums, when to fight battles, what to do when they scream no, your attitude, what do you do in public? private? etc. 

- eating - switching from a high chair to a booster seat, table manners, staying at the table, diet, what they should be eating, etc. 

- sleeping - moving from a crib to a big bed and the freedom that comes with it (staying in bed, set bed times etc).

- potty training - when to start, how to start, what to do, cloth pull-ups, motivation - food, underwear, etc, staying positive, what to do when it's not working. 

Newborns: a series

So, we have another newborn in the house. Parts of it are wonderful, but mostly it is just hard. My last 3 newborns were really easy and I forgot why some people have a beaten down look during those first few weeks or months.

We had that beaten down look with our first too, not because she was a horrible newborn (she wasn't easy, but certainly not as tough as they come), I think we had that look because we were in our infancy of parenting. We had about as many skills in parenting a newborn as she had in living an independent life. I feel so sorry for myself when I remember those first few months. I missed out on almost all of the joy that was to be had because I was so overwhelmed by the learning curve.

Recently two friends have asked me to teach a class on newborns/babies/parenting in general. With my sympathies refreshed at how difficult it can be, especially for new moms and dads, I am developing a class on that vast, subjective and controversial subject. I am hoping to be able to write up many of my thoughts here, first so I have a digital copy, but also so I can get some feedback before I actually teach it live.

I can't promise how quickly I will post all of my thoughts, but here is what I am hoping to post next:
 1. Mommy: embracing your new role and title
2. Conversations to have with your husband before the baby arrives
3. A word about pregnancy and labor and delivery
4. Nursing: Scheduled or on demand
5. They kicked me out of the hospital: now what
6. Sleep training
7. Basic first aid: when do I call my pediatrician, when do I call my mother and when do I just Google it?
8. How do I entertain someone who can only see 9" away from their face?
9. Products that I find helpful or not.
10. Why and how to not give your baby a higher priority than your husband or other children.


There are other topics, but those will keep me busy for awhile. I am actually getting really excited about tackling this subject that I've been given practice in and chosen to research.